The Silent Supper: A Rite to Honor the Spirits of the Dead
The Dumb Supper or Silent Supper. It bears two meanings in the southern Appalachian region of the United States – as a method used by unmarried women to divine one’s future spouse, and (as its more widely known) as a dinner held to honor and commune with those who now dwell in the realm of spirits. In this post, we’re going to focus on the latter interpretation of the term.
Where exactly the Dumb Supper originated, we can’t be sure. This is a point of much debate, and I’m no expert on the history of the custom and won’t pretend to be. I can say that I knew of it first as a southern Appalachian folk practice of divination, something my grandmother told me about when I was a child. I was a teenager when I first heard of it as a ritual to honor the dead, which is the usage most applied to the term today. Dumb Suppers have become associated with Samhain as many observers choose to include this ritual in their Samhain traditions; understandably so, as Samhain is a perfect time of year to host or take part in a Dumb Supper, when the walls between our world and the Otherworld where spirits reside are believed to come down and it is now easier for those spirit folk to walk among us.
What is a Dumb Supper?
The Dumb Supper is both a ritual of remembrance and a method of communicating with the spirit folk. The Dumb Supper differs from other special meals in that all those in attendance must maintain complete and total silence for the entirety of the event. This is where the custom takes its name – dumb as in an antiquated (and not so nice) term for silent.
Why silence? Have you ever been present for a moment of silence in honor of someone who has recently passed or as a way to take a moment and pay mind to a tragic event? The reason for silence at the Dumb Supper is the same as why we still have that little ritual of taking a moment of silence – it’s a way paying our respects. When it comes to death and grief, sometimes silence serves us where words fail. It’s also believed that silence may be more inviting to spirits than noisiness. Some spirits have a hard enough time as it is being heard by the living, and a time of silence might be just the thing they need to make their presence known.
A Dumb Supper is typically a solemn and reverent affair – solemn, not necessarily sad. The reason these events are generally formal is to maintain an environment and feeling that exhibits the respect we have for the spirits we hope to make contact with. Formal, contrary to popular use, doesn’t mean fancy or expensive. In this context, the word formal would mean ‘following or according with established form, custom, or rule’. ‘Ceremonious’ is also fitting. So, no. You don’t have to break bank for fancy dinnerware or silk napkins or anything like that, but you will want to mark the occasion - make this dinner different from your average meal. This is something to think about and plan beforehand. The way we honor spirits is incredibly personal. Some light candles, some burn incense, some ring bells, and some do none of these things and some do all. The ceremony you build around your Dumb Supper is entirely up to you.
Dumb Suppers are usually hosted in honor of those with ancestral ties to the house or company in which the Dumb Supper is hosted, or in remembrance of those who have passed on within the last year. As explained in my post ‘Ancestral Work for Beginners’, there is no one way to define or dictate who our ancestral spirits are or can be. Yes, a Dumb Supper can be held in remembrance of your flesh and blood ancestors. Yes, a Dumb Supper can be used to honor ancestors within your religion, practice, location, etcetera. Everyone is different. Every practice is different.
Hosting Your Own Dumb Supper
Your Dumb Supper can be as simple or as extravagant as you want it to be.
There are a few general rules:
Everyone must remain silent from start to finish. You enter the room in silence, find your seats in silence, and keep the quiet all the way through the event until you’ve left the space and the ritual is over.
One seat (usually at the head of the table) must be left empty, and a place is set there for the spirit(s) dropping in. Some people leave as many seats open as the ancestors they’re honoring. Some just assign one seat as a place for all the ancestors.
If you’re using your Dumb Supper in remembrance of (or to contact) someone in particular, it’s a good idea to have something at the table to represent that person. If it’s a family member, perhaps you have a belonging of theirs that you can include on the table or you can include their favorite meal in the menu.
If you’re not honoring one spirit in particular, you can place multiple items to represent each of the ancestors you’re reaching out to. I find that placing an array of tealight candles near their place setting (one for each spirit) not only serves this purpose but also helps make the table a little more beautiful for this special event.
Traditionally, the doors and windows are left open whilst the Dumb Supper is ongoing. Observers used to leave their doors open all night. This is believed to make it easier for the spirits to access our homes. However, nowadays it isn’t always safe to sit around with your doors and windows unlocked, let alone open. I know it’s not something I would comfortably do where I live. Maybe open just one window and only in the room where the Dumb Supper is being hosted, and don’t forget to shut and lock it when all is over and done with.
There has to be a supper in order to have a Dumb Supper, so food is a requirement. But what kind of food is entirely up to you. I recommend making food significant to your culture, practice, or family. You might want to try your hand at making traditional recipes that your ancestors would have been familiar with.
The spirits are served first, so fill their plate and cup before anyone else is served.
This isn’t a rule, but it is a common practice – libations are generally offered to the spirits. These don’t have to be alcoholic, so don’t feel pressured to have liquor if you’re not a drinker. Many practitioners substitute alcohol for juices, ciders, and non-alcoholic renditions of the usual alcoholic offerings. As to what alcoholic drinks are customary, that entirely depends on where you’re from, your cultural heritage, your personal preference, and so on. In my homestate, bourbon and whiskey are commonly used. My older sister’s religious practices call for mead. Mine call for wine. It’s all completely up to you.
Some practices call for donning all black attire or special clothes, something at least a little fancier than your everyday clothes. After all, the Dumb Supper is a special occasion. Why not dress to suit that?
I’ve heard of a few methods of closing the ritual. Some close the ritual by everyone getting up and walking out of the room in silence. Some walk out of the room backwards. Some practitioners close the ritual by everyone present taking a turn in extinguishing the candles that had been lit. This is part of your planning of the ritual or ceremony. You decide what works best for you.
It’s not uncommon to host an after-dinner get-together once the Dumb Supper has ended. This isn’t a bad idea, as it gives people a chance to talk about their experience at the event and to reminisce or speak about the ancestor(s) they were honoring that night.
If you’re hosting a Dumb Supper this year, I hope it brings you what you’re looking for.
Disclaimer: Each of the Crowsbone writers and guest bloggers has their own magical background, beliefs, traditions and practices. These post represent the opinions, research and beliefs of the individual writers. We do not believe that they represent beliefs and rules associated with all magical practice or witchcraft; nor do they represent the beliefs and opinions of all of the Crowsbone community.